Autistic child referred to Prevent after resisting LGTBQ+ programme – Christian mum speaks

Christian mum of autistic son asks why, when he has an EHCP in place, was the primary focus of her son’s actions a Prevent referral geared at ‘changing his way of thinking’, rather than assisting with his social skills and anxiety – especially after he was cornered.

My son David is 14 years old, and I have raised him by myself as a Christian.

David is an introvert with ASD. He is socially awkward and is often very anxious about the right way to join a conversation. He doesn’t have friends, but he is desperate to have some.

He is very bright; he got a 9 in Physics and in ICT. As with many children with ASD, his teachers can’t grasp that someone who is so smart can be so significantly socially impaired.

David likes to play golf, and I take him once a week for lesson. Our life is very simple, and he resists spontaneous changes.

He has an Education Health and Care Plan (EHCP) in place listing his special education needs (SEN), and the focus of his care should be on his social skills and anxiety.

To be honest, David’s ‘fixed mindset’ was never flagged up as a problem until the threat of a Prevent referral, after an incident where he tore down the Pride flag at school.

In the end, Prevent did not take up the referral, but for two months we did not know if he would be referred to the security services. This has resulted in a great deal psychological trauma for him and me.

School did not address the root cause – bullying

Although the school claims that David’s case begins with the flag incident, for us it starts much earlier than that.

David was being cornered by a boy who was gay at school. The boy made him feel uncomfortable as he had gone out of the way to join him and had been making suggestive comments to him.

My son had tried to speak to some of the teachers; he told them that this boy was making him feel bad, but they did not do anything. On the last day before Christmas break, David pushed him.

David understands the world in black and white way, so what happened after this, with the LGBTQ+ display and with other interactions with children, should be seen in this light.

My son thinks that the LGBTQ+ issue is being pushed on him, and that it leads to confusion, rather than to strength.

His opinion is that you are either a boy or a girl, and there is no other way – and he is not able to make that leap to become so flexible. He has expressed these opinions in class.

‘Why don’t you put up posters of Jesus?’

This led to him and another boy tearing down the Pride flag which was part of a display at school. They were recorded on CCTV.

David and the other boy were called to the deputy head teacher’s office. Again, my son felt cornered, and while the other boy just kept quiet, my son pretty much exploded.

He said some derogatory things about gay people, and he also said the LGBTQ+ movement was making Britain weak.

He cited Romans 1: 26-27, saying that it says that being gay is wrong. He also asked why the school did not put up posters of Jesus, who he said is more important.

It is impossible for David to reason in such a confrontational situation. I don’t think the deputy head took this into account. He had never spoke to my son before, and never took the trouble to get to know him.

Prevent is ‘like the thought police’

I heard about the incident via an email from the deputy head. I was at work, and nothing was mentioned about a Prevent referral in the initial email.

The deputy head only said they wanted to make a referral to social services, and I said: “I do not consent”.

I then went to a meeting with the deputy head. David came with me, and I also invited a friend from my church for moral support. This was the only meeting I had with the school.

I was shocked because the meeting focussed entirely on my son’s beliefs, not on his special needs and the support the school should provide under the EHCP.

The deputy head said David had ‘extreme’ views, and that he was “concerned about his [my son’s] success in society”. He said, “It’s about the way that he thinks.”

So, my friend, who has a good head on her, said: “So you want him to change the way he thinks?” The deputy head confirmed that he wanted to change my son’s way of thinking.

He also commented on the verse from Romans. He said that he wanted to check with me whether my understanding of it was the same, so I felt like he was assessing what I thought too. I mean, this was like the thought police.

David was then excluded from school for a couple of days for damage to property.

They referred my son to Prevent without my consent

I found out that my son had been referred to Prevent via a second email from the safeguarding lead at the school, who said she discussed his case with the social worker. After a ‘no names conversation’ they had referred David to Prevent.

I emailed them straight back, and said I did not consent to the referral. I told them that what had happened was because David had felt cornered and had blown up, and this could be expected with someone with autism.

I was at work when I got this email, and I was so upset. I had not even consented to the social worker, and yet they had gone ahead and referred my son to Prevent!

I immediately went onto the government website, and I saw that the email from the school had just been a straight copy-paste from the government site about Prevent. This really annoyed me, because it showed they hadn’t a clue. I also found Prevent Watch.

I couldn’t speak to anyone, because there is this stigma with Prevent. I know about Prevent because I work in the health sector and it is about stopping terrorists, who are people who kill people.

I couldn’t stop crying at work, so I had to go home.

They made his SEN secondary and ‘a barrier’

I got in touch with the neuropsychiatrist who oversees David’s medication, and she was very confused about why they had referred my son to Prevent. I asked her to speak to the school.

The school responded to my email saying that they had referred David because “children with autism were more at risk of radicalisation” and they were “keen to get additional support”.

I requested to see the Prevent referral form, which the school did provide me, although they said that Prevent had advised them this was “not normal practice”. To their credit, they said they would share it with me in the name of transparency.

On the referral form, the school focussed on my son’s beliefs, and they made his SEN secondary. His ASD was cited as a “real barrier” to addressing his “fixed mindset and his concerning comments and behaviour”.

I was panicking because I did not know what to expect. I didn’t know if people would be coming through our front door.

He has an ECHP but there was zero support

I knew I had to tell David, because there are small windows when I am not at home. I had to tell him not to answer the door, and I also reminded him every day not to speak to anyone at school about anything except work.

When I told him, David was very, very shocked. I told him that the deputy head said, “If you have those kinds of views, and you say them in public these days, you can be arrested”.

My son’s reaction was to say: “We have to leave England – I can’t live in this country anymore”.

Then he just went into his bedroom and curled up and cried. I tried to reassure him, and that was it really.

I was very upset. David is supposed to have a framework of additional support at school, for which the school is being funded, but it was clear that he was getting zero support.

I kept asking: if the school is getting funding under the EHCP to support my son, why are they referring him to Prevent?

How can they view my son as a danger to society?

I felt crushed, completely crushed. All these thoughts were going through my mind that my son would be seen like a criminal. I mean, he has no friends – and this would just make things so, so much worse.

How would this be with him in future, even just immediately going back to school with the teachers aware of this and viewing him as some kind of danger to society?

It took forever to find out about whether Prevent would take up the referral – it felt like two months. In the meanwhile, I experienced a complete loss of trust and confidence in the people teaching him.

I can’t stop him from saying the things he says. Even if I was 5cm away from him, I wouldn’t be able to stop him.

We had to rethink his future, and we decided he would not stay at the school.

They refused my request for support outside of Prevent

We were both extremely relieved that Prevent did not take up the referral. But it’s the psychological damage that’s been done that’s the issue, and the huge loss of trust.

There was an annual review of his needs, and nothing was added about trying to work with him on what is generally acceptable to say in social situations, what you can say to people you’ve just met, or in a group like a class, or what you tell only people you trust.

When I asked them what extra support he would getting, they contacted the Communication and Interaction Team, and they sent a whole bunch of pdfs to me.

Then they said that they didn’t think they would be able to support him, because they said they “don’t think he’s going to engage”.

The woman said that he was “like Andrew Tate”, and that he wouldn’t work with women. But my son doesn’t have a very good opinion of Andrew Tate, to be honest, and he has nothing against women.

Nobody cared to know my son and nurture his talents

The greatest shame in all this is that nobody – not one person at his school – took the trouble to get to know my son, who has many gifts and is very talented.

Nobody took any action after he raised concerns about bullying at the very outset, and as the events starting unfolding, he and I simply had no trusting relationship with anyone at school.

My advice for people in a similar situation is to always have someone you trust with you in a meeting regarding Prevent and to keep minutes of every single meeting.

Also Prevent Watch was a Godsend; to speak to someone who knows what is going on and the system of Prevent and how it works, and what action you can take, lifted clouds of despair.

But I am very concerned that my son’s data has been taken and associated with Prevent, and we are in the process of ensuring that this is not the case.

As for David, he is quite depressed and very lonely. There are exams around the corner, and he wants to get certain results for his A levels. We can only hope for better.